


The heart wants what it wants

by gyulemon



Series: lulu's fanservice [24]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: 2woogyu, Idols AU, Lots of Angst, M/M, OT3, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 10:52:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyulemon/pseuds/gyulemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>where they learn how to love each other</p>
            </blockquote>





	The heart wants what it wants

**Author's Note:**

> a super late christmas present for the dong to my gyu❤

Sunggyu is broken in two parts: there is his mind, and there is his heart.

His thoughts, the small trace of sanity that remains inside of him, belong to him.

His heart (impulsive, reckless, immature, lovesick), belongs to Woohyun.

Sunggyu is in his bed, in the middle of the night, his right hand clutching the dirty, old sheets and his left hand keeps hitting that spot inside of him as he fingers himself, sweaty and breathless. Woohyun's name escapes past his lips as he comes, feeling as if he's being torn apart from inside, and chokes on his own words, hoping, _wishing_ , Woohyun would be next to him; but he's not – because, Woohyun does not belong to him, and his heart clenches and his stomach sinks and he wants to throw up, but he doesn't, and stays still, lying on his back. His eyes are fixed on the uneven cracks of the ceiling, as if they'd distract him from thinking about Woohyun. Which, in the end, only breaks his bruised heart a bit more. He's used to it, anyway.

He's awakened by a shoft brush on his shoulders, so soft he thinks it has just been his imagination and goes back to sleep. But his shoulder gets shaken more forcefully, and he finally opens his eyes and sees his manager, looking as tired as he probably is.

“What’s happening?” he asks, voice raspy and low from his sleep (not that he slept much anyway).

“The boss wants to see you. He asked me to tell you to wake up the kids. Go wake up Woohyun and ask him to help you. I want you both in half an hour in the hall.”

With that he leaves, and Sunggyu debates whether going back to sleep or fulfilling his duty as the leader. The hesitation last for two brief seconds, before Sunggyu is already opening the windows (the air was too thick, too suffocating – and it reminded Sunggyu of things he should be forbbiden of) and then showers, trying to wash away all the memories.

Woohyun's bedroom is quite close to his, only a few doors away. He hesitates whether to open the door of not. But he has to (he doesn't really have to, in fact, but he _wants_ to. So he just keeps telling himself he’s only following his manager’s orders), so he does.

The room is dark, but not enough not to let him see, and with the dim light entering through the blinds, he spots Woohyun – or more like sees his face, because the rest of his body is under the blankets. His head is resting on someone's chest and Sunggyu looks up from Woohyun’s face only to see Dongwoo, whose right arm is around Woohyun's body, lying possesively on his hip. It ties Sunggyu's stomach in knots. It's an endearing scene, really, Woohyun looks like a little kid (like the kid he is), and Dongwoo looks relaxed – beautiful, even, Sunggyu dares to think.

He retreats backwards and goes out of the room. He doesn't need Woohyun to wake up the kids, he can do it alone.

 

“Hyung!” Woohyun is mad, Sunggyu can tell. In the way his brows are knitted together in a frown and his lips are pressed together in a thin line. “Why didn't you wake me up first? I would have helped you!”

They're at the airport. Sunggyu is wearing a long coat and his favourite cozy sweatshirt, hair hidden under a beanie and face covered with a mask. Woohyun, on the other side, is all dressed in leather, and Sunggyu thinks he should be banned from the world – or at least from him to see.

“I'm sorry.” he says, and that's true. “I just didn't want to disturb you. I can do these stuff on my own.”

“You used to lean on me for these things years ago.” There's a bitterness in his words that doesn't go unnoticed for Sunggyu. He wonders what that can mean, what is Woohyun implying. “Now you just don't anymore.”

_Because_ , Sunggyu thinks, _if I lean even the slightest on your shoulder, I'm afraid I'll fall, and then I won't ever be able to stand up again._

“I'm sorry.” he says, again, and Woohyun just nods and goes back to tease Hoya and annoy Sungjong.

 

Back to their hotel room, Sunggyu chooses to be the one sleeping alone. They're surprised, he knows, but is glad they don't say a word and just nod. Usually, he'd share a bedroom with Dongwoo or Woohyun (or even Hoya), but Sunggyu doesn't think he'd be able to stand being in the same room as Woohyun like they did before.

After taking a cold shower, he lies down on his bed, laptop on his legs and different paper sheets scattered all over his nearest surroundings. It's late, but he needs to work. He's the leader after all.

There's a soft knock on the door, and he ignores it. He just hopes it isn't Woohyun, and if it is, then he just hopes he'll leave eventually. But the knocking keeps going on for a while, and it annoys him to no end.

When he opens the door, maybe a bit too abruptly, he's surprised to find himself facing Dongwoo – bare face and pouty lips, wearing a baggy t-shirt with some weird design for children.

“Hey, hyung.” he says, entering the room before Sunggyu can even say a word.

Resigned, he sighs and closes the door after him.

“Is there something wrong, Dongwoo?”

The other man shakes his head and sits on the bed, crossing his legs. He looks younger, much more younger than he already is, and Sunggyu suddenly wonders what are they – he – doing and what are they – he – going to do.

“I just wanted to talk.” Dongwoo says, watching Sunggyu carefully.

Sunggyu decides to sit next to him, but places his laptop again on his legs. He still needs to work.

“I'm sorry, I'm a bit busy.” he replies, and starts typing on the keyboard.

Dongwoo closes down the screen, and Sunggyu half-yells, looking at him annoyed.

“Hey!” he's angry, but not for more than two seconds. Dongwoo's eyes seem to calm something inside of him. He's hipnotized, as if Dongwoo could read his soul, his inner thoughts – full of Woohyun, who belongs to Dongwoo himself, not to him – and he slowly calms down.

Sunggyu puts the laptop on his desk and returns to his bed.

“Woohyun is worried.” Dongwoo starts. “He says you don't pay attention to him anymore. And actually that's half-true, hyung. You don't pay attention to any of us. You're so focused on working on Infinite, on working to make us better that you forgot we need you with us, not working for us.”

Sunggyu frowns.

“I don't work that much. I just -” a deep breath, “I just want the best for you guys, for us.”

“And that's good, hyung. But first, you should rest and spend some quality time with us.” there is a silence after that, and Sunggyu can see the internal battle going on inside of Dongwoo. “Go back to Woohyun, he needs you.”

“As if.”

It sounds more like a snort that Sunggyu had intended to, but the thought of Woohyun needing him is just – weird, because he has Dongwoo so what else could he need (why would he need him).

“He loves you a lot, hyung.”

Sunggyu knows how Dongwoo means that – Woohyun loves you, you're his best friend; he knows that his words can’t go beyond that meaning, but hearing 'Woohyun' and 'loves you' in the same sentence just makes Sunggyu's head spins.

“And I love you too.”

Sunggyu looks up, rather surprised by the words. He has heard them often, Dongwoo is a very affective man, but this time, it just sounds different. He nods, not sure what else to do, and sees Dongwoo smiling, just slightly.

“You should go.” he says. _Woohyun is waiting for you_ , he thinks.

“No” Dongwoo shakes his head, “I know you. If I leave now, you'll just get back to work. I'm staying with you tonight.”

Something flips inside Sunggyu's stomach, as if he was in a roller coaster, but he doesn't have time to dwell on it because Dongwoo is pinning him down. His own head is pressed against his chest, resting on the curvature of his neck, and the way his hand are placed possesively makes Sunggyu more tense than relaxed.

It starts softly, slowly, but then grows eager eventually, Dongwoo's fingers rub against the naked, exposed skin of his waist, and Sunggyu feels almost breathless at the touch. When he starts dozing off, he cannot help but think he's not sure anymore whom he's more jealous of: Dongwoo for being able to kiss, touch, love Woohyun everynight; or of Woohyun for being able to be held by Dongwoo like this.

 

 

 

*****

 

It's been said that people remember the moment they 'fell in love'. It might come from a smile when you needed it the most, a whole night spent talking on the phone over everything and nothing, an 'I love you' whispered in the darkness of the bedroom, skin against skin.

Sunggyu thinks he can't pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Woohyun. They didn't even get along at first, there was a constant bickering between each other, which eventually grew into the closest relationship Sunggyu has ever been into. Woohyun felt like his soulmate, like the rest of the pieces to complete the messy puzzle Sunggyu was back then (and is still now). Sunggyu fell in love with the smiles Woohyun gave him when he needed them the most, with the nights spent talking over the phone when they were apart or just chatting when they shared bedroom, with the cold fingers that interlocked with his own on a cold Sunday morning, and with the raspy, yet honey voice that would wake him up every day. When Sunggyu thinks about it, he knows it’s impossible for someone not to fall in love with Woohyun, with someone who is so strong yet so fragile, with someone who always tries his best and works on improving himself. Sunggyu admired him in a way he's never admired anyone before. When Sunggyu was lacking, Woohyun would help, and when Woohyun was breaking, Sunggyu would always try to fix him.

That was until Sunggyu find out Woohyun didn't love him back, not in the same way at least. Dongwoo has always been their closest friend too. Sunggyu trusted Dongwoo with his life and Woohyun would always fall back on him whenever he and Sunggyu fought. Sunggyu was abrasive, Dongwoo was a healing balm.

It's a couple of nights before their european tour starts that Sunggyu finds Woohyun crying after the rehearsal. His chest is rising and falling with every sob, muffled by the fabric of his jacket. He's kneeling down on the floor, back against the wall and tears are running down his face. It's a wardrobe, a place where probably nobody would have discovered him in. Sunggyu wouldn't have either, if weren't because he needed his favourite jacket, which he left there the other day.

There is a lump in his throat, constricting and making him choke as he looks at Woohyun, who still is not aware of his presence. Sunggyu tries to ignore the pain stabbing at his chest and kneels down next to the boy, startling him.

“H-hyung.” he mutters, but doesn't even try to wipe away his tears, because Sunggyu already knows he has been crying.

“Shh.” Sunggyu mutters, and tries to clean with his thumb the dirty stains of eyeliner on Woohyun's face.

Instead of talking, Sunggyu throws his arm around Woohyun's neck and pulls him closer, until he's resting his head on his shoulder.

“I'm sorry.” Sunggyu's voice echoes too loudly in the empty room, and he frowns.

Woohyun doesn't say anything. It's been a while since he stopped crying and his breathing calmed down, but something was still off, Sunggyu could notice it in the way he was trembling.

“Let's go”, Sunggyu says and tries to get up, but Woohyun shakes his head furiously. “Yah, let's go Woohyun, it's really late. Dongwoo is probably waiting for you.” The last words come out bitter and Woohyun shakes his head no once again.

They sleep together for the first time in what seems ages. It's been almost three years since they shared a bedroom and they never slept again in the same room since they moved into separated apartments. It's uncomfortable and quite painful. The floor is too cold, even if Sunggyu scattered a few clothes here and there for them. Woohyun snuggles closer against him, resting his head on his chest as Sunggyu places both arms around his waist, feeling Woohyun's heartbeat against his own.

The room is completely dark since they have turned off the light, and Sunggyu closes his eyes and tries to focus on his sleep but Woohyun's breath is tickling his neck and he has interlocked their fingers again. It's a level of intimacy that suffocates Sunggyu and he feels momentarily out of breath even if they're with clothes on and there hadn’t been inappropriate touches, Sunggyu's heart is racing and he wonders if Woohyun is aware of this.

When they wake up, their backs and limbs are suffering the consequences from the postion they adopted to sleep. Sunggyu's heart skips a beat when he finds Woohyun's face right in front of him, so close his breath collides against his lips. He could kiss him if he moved just a little bit.

Woohyun opens his eyes slowly and stares at Sunggyu, his eyes wandering all over his face, meeting his lips a few times. It's confusing and frustrating, and Sunggyu swallows hard, trying to avoid looking at Woohyun's lips too.

“Good morning.” Woohyun says, raising his hand to remove a few strands of hair off Sunggyu's forehead.

“Morning.”

Sunggyu wants to get up but Woohyun climbs on top of him and prevents him from doing so. He wishes he could see Woohyun better, but the light is still turned off and no matter how hard he tries to adjust his eyes to the room, he can't see much with the dim light coming through the slats of the door. He wonders if Woohyun looks as beautiful as always from that angle, if his eyes are gleaming even if they are tired, if his smile could reach them this time, if his nose looks as pointy from below.

Woohyun is holding both of his arms and sitting on Sunggyu's stomach, hard enough to restrain him but not enough to hurt him.

Before he can even utter a word, he feels Woohyun's face right in front of his, and his heart is beating so loud he thinks it's going to pop out if his chest. His lips part, as if they were about to kiss, but Woohyun retreats in the end, and immediately gets up, reaching out a hand to help Sunggyu get up too.

“We should get back now.” Woohyun says, coughing, probably trying to get rid of the awkward atmosphere, but Sunggyu's ears are ringing and all his body is shaking, his knees to weak to keep him standing still. “They are probably worried. Dongw-”

“I sent a message to Dongwoo last night and told him we were going out together.”

“Oh.” Woohyun swings on his toes. “Thank you.”

When they get back, Sunggyu looks away when Woohyun and Dongwoo kiss.

 

 

*****

 

Sunggyu thinks he's a chaos to Woohyun's thoughts and Woohyun is a poison to his heart. They never got along and then things would always get too hectic, like hands squeezing their lungs until they couldn't breathe. It would always start with a few words and end up with loud screams and indifference which lasted for days, until their shoulders would slightly brush while walking through the corridor and everything would seem to fall back in place.

This exact reason is why Sunggyu thinks Woohyun needs Dongwoo. Because with just him, one day everything would crash down, and there would be no going back. Dongwoo reassures Woohyun, keeps him in place and calms down the riptide. Sunggyu found out that Dongwoo has the ability to also calm down the storm barging inside of him, when the bilis is on his throat at the thought that, one day, Woohyun is never going to come back. Dongwoo is the bridge between sanity and insanity and the balance who keeps all of them together. Without Dongwoo, they wouldn't have make it this far. Yet Sunggyu still gets his heart torn apart and his eyes teary because Dongwoo is the one who goes inside Woohyun's bedroom everynight.

Their biggest quarrel takes place a day before going to Manila for their concert. Sunggyu is not sure how or when it started, but Woohyun's hair is messy and his gaze is piercing as he looks at Sunggyu, infuriated, and Sunggyu feels his whole body shaking. He despises it.

“We are never going to hear the end of this, are we?” Woohyun spits, and his voice breaks while he's uttering the last words. “I'm tired.”

And Sunggyu watches him leave, thinking the worst part about saying goodbye is not knowing if it's temporary or if the person is leaving for good.

They don't talk for the whole day, not in the airport where there are tons of fans looking at them and taking pics, not in the plane and not when they arrive at the hotel either. Sunggyu decides to sleep alone again, the pairings being: Sungjong with Myungsoo, Hoya with Sungyeol and Dongwoo with Woohyun.

They would stay there for two nights and three days so Sunggyu opts for going out drinking the night after the concert. He'll probably need it.

There is a balcony inside his bedroom, facing the sea. Sunggyu leans on the railing, letting the cool sea breeze stroke his face and inhales deeply. His thoughts are a mess and so is his heart. Tiredness washes over him and he closes his eyes to the sound of the waves. Sunggyu thinks about Woohyun, knowing he's with Dongwoo, and no matter how much his heart aches, he thinks he doesn't regret loving him.

A loud knock on the door startles him, and he loses his grip on the railing, heart jumping on his chest. He knows who's there before he has even opened the door.

“What do you want?” he asks, and lets the boy go inside.

The room is dark, except from the dim light coming from the streetlamps and the moon through the balcony. He can barely see Woohyun's face, but it's enough to make his heart race. He's wearing sweatpants and a dirty black shirt he bought a few weeks ago in London. His blond hair shines the brightest when he's standing in front of the balcony. Sunggyu swallows hard. Will there be a day where his knees won't get weak at the sight of him?

“When will you stop putting everyone before you? When will you come first?” Woohyun says, and Sunggyu is surprised because he had expected him to yell, but not more than a mere whisper escaped his lips.

“W-What?”

“I'm so tired of seeing you trying so hard for everyone but being so hard on yourself. You are always caring for us, but who's there to care for you? You are closed up to everyone who tries to approach you. I wish,” a deep breath. “I wish you would just let me take care of you.”

Sunggyu's heart skips a beat. _What does that mean, what is Woohyun implying._

Before he can even add something, there are a pair of soft lips against his own, and he chokes on the air, feeling out of breath.

Woohyun is kissing him, and it's soft but not really, because Woohyun has never been the soft type. His arms surround his waist and pull him closer, breaking the kiss for a few seconds to get oxygen inside their system and then back to where they were before. He sucks eagerly on Sunggyu's lower lip, squeezing the flesh between his teeth, and pushes his tongue inside, clashing them together.

Sunggyu has tasted so many drinks yet no one has ever made him feel this intoxicated, suffocated. He feels his shirt being lifted off and thrown somewhere inside the bedroom, but he's too surprised to care. He comes back to life when he feels Woohyun's cold fingers on his bare skin.

“W-What is this.” he demands, breaking the kiss, and is embarrassed at how weak his voice sounds.

“I want to take care of you.” Woohyun says, and takes a step forward, aiming for his lips again.

Sunggyu wants to refuse, he wants to send Woohyun away, but he just can't. Not when he is kissing him so passionately, fervently, as if he _really_ meant it.

Sunggyu's body is burning at every touch, every kiss, every brush against Woohyun's skin. Woohyun's body is warm and strong, and Sunggyu rejoices on the feeling of being able to touch every corner and curve of it. He can feel Woohyun's heart racing against his palm and likes to think it's beating for him. He should tell him to stop, because they are here and it's Sunggyu instead of Dongwoo. Dongwoo, the one Woohyun loves, not him.

But he's selfish for once and allows himself to do this, knowing it'd be the first and the last time between them. He hasn't expected Woohyun to be a caring lover, but he's not as rough as he had imagined him to be either. He takes his time fingering him, slowly and deeply, stretching him out nicely for what would come after. Sunggyu cries and moans at the feeling, because it's Woohyun who is touching him and he can't think properly, not when his heart is about to explode.

Woohyun's lips are back on his neck and collarbones, marking them while he keeps fingering him.

“D-Don't leave a mark.” Sunggyu says, breathlessly. “We have a concert tomorrow.”

Woohyun nods against his skin and turns the bites into kisses, all the way down until he takes Sunggyu's cock inside his mouth, and Sunggyu moans loudly.

They switch positions and Woohyun holds Sunggyu by the hips as he goes down on him, slowly until Woohyun is all the way inside, and then rolls his hips experimentally.

Sweat drips down his forehead as he keeps on riding Woohyun, head thrown back and eyes closed. Woohyun bucks his hips forward in order to meet his thrusts.

Sunggyu lets out a surprised scream when Woohyun suddenly gets up from bed, with him on his lap, and presses their foreheads together, sometimes giving him a short peck as he keeps on hitting that sensitive spot inside of him.

“You're so loud.” Woohyun murmurs, brushing Sunggyu's fringe off his forehead, and leaves a trail of kisses along his jawline and neck. “They're going to hear us.”

_Dongwoo is going to hear us_ , Sunggyu thinks, and he bites his lips in order to prevent himself from being loud. It's futile, though, Woohyun wraps his arms around his body and with his right hand pumps Sunggyu's member, speeding up the pace.

“Woohyun.” he moans, lips against the other's shoulder, and his body is trembling, the weight of the situation being too much for him to handle.

“Sunggyu.” he looks up, meeting Woohyun's eyes as he chants his name. “Sunggyu, Sunggyu, Sunggyu, Sunggyu, Sunggyu.”

He comes with a loud moan, choking on his own words, with the hardest orgasm he's ever had in his whole life, and feels Woohyun's body shaking under him, as much as his.

It takes a while before they come down from their high. Sunggyu gets up from bed and feels Woohyun's eyes on him when he's picking up his clothes from the floor, but his limbs are still too numb for it.

“What are you doing?” Woohyun asks, frowning, and sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Oh?” Sunggyu looks at him, surprised. “I thought y-you'd want me to leave...”

“Are you stupid? This is your room.”

He feels Woohyun grabbing his hand and throwing him onto the bed again. In the blink of an eye, Sunggyu finds himself under Woohyun's body, his breath against his neck and fingers interlocked.

“You're so tense.” Woohyun murmurs, caressing his lower back and tracing his spine, sending shivers throug Sunggyu's body. “Even after that mindblowing love making, you're still so tense. Relax.”

Sunggyu wants to ask, what did Woohyun imply with 'love making', because it sounds too surreal, just like what they have just done. It might be a dream and Sunggyu is going to wake up hating himself.

Only that it's not, and when he opens his eyes to the sunlight and sees Woohyun's naked body next to him, he knows he's really fucked up, all the memories from the previous night washing over him. Anxiety sets on the lower part of his stomach and he feels like throwing up. What they did has been wrong in so many levels because – Dongwoo, Dongwoo was still there, probably in Woohyun's mind while he was fucking Sunggyu, and it hurts so much that Sunggyu gets up and enters the bathroom, taking a cold shower and sitting on the shower base. He knows Woohyun probably only went to him because Dongwoo was busy and he was needy, because why else he would have done that, why would he have wanted to touch Sunggyu, kiss him, _fuck_ him. No matter from which angle he looks at it, he still feels bad for Dongwoo, and it's not sure how is he going to be able to look at them in the eye from now on.

 

 

*****

 

It's in Singapore where Sunggyu goes out one night, all by himself. The bar he heads to is hidden in a narrow street, and he allows himself to get drunk. Reckless and stupid, because he's far from their hotel and nobody to accompany him. No matter how hard he tries for everyone around him, in the end he's always alone. And it hurts and breaks, but Sunggyu can't afford himself to crash down when he has so many people leaning on him, when he has so many eyes on him looking for the tiniest mistake, when he could disappoint Woohyun, and he'd rather die than confront the boy in such situation. So he drinks and allows himself to dive into the fuzzy feeling, until his vision gets flurry and he can't pinpoint how Woohyun's eyes gleamed as they were fucking or how his lips felt against his skin.

He's on the nth drink when his phone starts ringing.

“H-Hello?” he asks, a hiccup interrupting his sentence.

“Yah, Sunggyu, where the fuck are you?”

He thinks he hears Dongwoo on the other line, yelling angrily at him, and he narrows his eyes, trying to focus his attention on the conversation taking place.

“I'm in Singapore.”

“Never mind, I'll be there in a few minutes. Don't fucking move.”

It's so odd and out of place to hear Dongwoo swearing that Sunggyu giggles, shaking his head.

He's not positive how much time has passed when he feels himself being dragged out of the bar, someone holding his wrist forcefully and it hurts but he doesn't care much.

“I can't believe this.” Dongwoo spits, freeing his arm once they are out. “Irresposible a bit too much, maybe?”

Sunggyu cannot really bring his mind to make a proper sentence so he just laughs, but feels the bitter taste of alcohol and bilis on his throat. Dongwoo's hair is dark and stuck to his forehead, and in that ugly street, Sunggyu thinks he knows why Woohyun chose him over him. He's beautiful and unapproachable in so many ways, in all the ways Sunggyu was far, far away from and could never reach. Dongwoo is looking straight at him, and there is a lump on his throat when he sees the boy approaching him, slowly.

“I guess we should do all the irresposible things tonight.” he mutters, and brushes away Sunggyu's bangs before caressing his cheek with his thumb. “I hope you'll at least remember this tomorrow.”

Sunggyu has never been kissed before like Dongwoo kissed him. All the previous ones were harsh and messy, because it wasn't Woohyun's. Nevertheless, it hadn't been soft and caring with Woohyun either.

But Dongwoo kissed him slowly, tasting every inch of his lips and probably savouring all the alcohol he had taken. When he grabs Sunggyu's chin in order to push his tongue inside, Sunggyu's knees give in and his whole body starts trembling. Dongwoo's tongue reaches every corner of his mouth, as if he was trying to take away all the bitterness in him and just leave the sweet taste.

He's not sure why Dongwoo, out of all the people, is kissing _him_ , when he has Woohyun.

“Let's go back to the hotel.” Dongwoo murmurs, giving him a soft peck on the lips and grabbing his hand.

Sunggyu's mind is still too clouded to talk, so he just nods and lets Dongwoo bring him back home.

No matter how much the sex with Woohyun meant to him or how soft Dongwoo has kissed him, they belonged to each other, not to him, so it shouldn't surprise him that he slept alone.

 

 

*****

 

 

 

For the first time since they have known each other, Sunggyu feels uncomfortable around Woohyun. He wonders if it's due to the fact that he cannot look at him without thinking on his lips on his neck and hands roaming all over his body roughly, or, instead, think of Dongwoo and the softness that accompanied his plump lips.

Woohyn intensifies the magnitude of his actions and Sunggyu keeps retreating, afraid things would get out of hand, again.

“ _Hyung looks the best today, doesn't he?”_ Woohyun would say during the concert, making all the fans scream and Sunggyu blush and shake his head vigorously. After the concert, in the backstage, he would place his hand on Sunggyu's lower back and ask him if he's okay, all smiley and sweaty, and Sunggyu would nod his head with a heavy heart and a lump on his throat. He wants to kiss him again more than anything, but he can't and it hurts.

It hurts, because Woohyun holds his hand more than he should, removes his fringe off his forehead, pats his shoulders or just brushes his cheek with his fingers while asking if he's feeling well.

And Sunggyu feels used and still decides to put up with it and watch Woohyun chose Dongwoo over him again and again and again.

Until he can't take it anymore and decides it's been enough.

So when Woohyun reaches out to grab his hand, he walks away, and when he tries to touch his face, he shifts his head.

“Are you avoiding me?” Woohyun asks, cornering Sunggyu inside his bedroom.

They're back in Seoul for the remaining time of the year, and since it's Christmas they have gathered together in one apartment instead of two.

“No.” Sunggyu lies, not even looking at Woohyun in the eye.

Even if he has had all the time in the world to sleep, he's still tired, and deep inside he knows this kind of tiredness is not one sleeping can take away. It's deep inside of him, asphyxiating him.

“Liar.”

Much to Sunggyu's dismay, he moves closer and grabs is chin in order to kiss him, but Sunggyu does what he would have never thought he'd ever do: he pushes Woohyun away.

“Stop this.” he says, and it comes out a bit too rude, which startles Woohyun, who takes a step back. “I'm really going to ask you to stop this, whatever _this_ is. You can't....” a deep breath. “You can't just play around with me like this. Just because you think I'm easy, do you think you can come to me whenever you want and use me however you like? You're dating Dongwoo, Woohyun. Did you get tired of him and it's that why you're coming for me now? Because it won't work. I love you, Woohyun – don't give me _that_ look, I know you know it – but, I'm not up for this.”

Sunggyu has seen Woohyun hurt many times before. The time where he fell and dislocated his shoulder. The time his father told him he was a disappointment for his family. The time he found him crying in the backstage. However, he's sure he has never seen such hurt look on his face ever before.

“W-What are you talking about?” Woohyun mutters, but doesn't even move when Sunggyu starts walking, heading towards the door.

Woohyun's fist slams the door harshly, and Sunggyu wide opens his eyes, surprised. He looks up and meets Woohyun's angry face, looking at him in a way that he can't quite comprehend. It feels odd, because he's always been good at reading Woohyun.

“All I've been trying to do is take care of you.” he says, punctuating every word. Sunggyu knows he's angry. “But you're just so damn impossible, everytime I think I get closer to you, you just build up your armor again and it's _frustrating_.”

“Take care of me?” Sunggyu asks, and rage is building up inside of him too. He knows how this is going to end, one of them would say something too hurtful that they don't really meant and the other would leave the room, and then they would not talk for days. “Can you, then, enlighten me on why do you want to take care of me? I'm two years older than you, I do not need you to take care of me, I know how to do it myself. Am I a kid now?”

Woohyun snorts.

“Are you stupid, hyung? Or just this dense?” he asks, and Sunggyu opens his mouth in order to defend himself, but Woohyun cuts him off again. “I want to take care of you because I love you.”

Silence.

“I know you love me.” Sunggyu replies, but he can feel his heart beating faster. _Woohyun doesn't mean that kind of love_ , he thinks, _I can't get my hopes high like this._ “I'd like to believe I'm still your best friend.”

“My best friend?” Woohyun rubs his temples. “If you proclaim yourself to be my best friend, then why is it so hard for you to believe that I want to take care of you? Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?”

Sunggyu opens his mouth and then closes it again, trying to gather his racing thoughts into a proper sentence.

“Because,” another deep breath, and he shifts his gaze to the floor. “Because you have Dongwoo and I've never been good enough. No matter how much I wanted to, I've never been good enough, and I feel like a horrible person for wanting someone who is not mine.”

“I love you, Sunggyu.” Woohyun says, and his voice sounds so soft that something breaks inside of Sunggyu, his sobs accompanying the boy's next words. “I love you in all the ways a person can love other.”

Sunggyu feels himself being dragged into Woohyun's embrace and he lets all the tears fall, feeling the bitter taste of salt on his tongue, and cries away all the pain, the rejection, the frustration and the unspoken words (which are a lot).

It's much later, when Sunggyu has calmed down and he's resting his head on Woohyun's shoulder, both sitting on the floor in front of the bed and fingers interlocked, that Woohyun speaks up again.

“I think we should bring Dongwoo.”

Sunggyu tenses, and Woohyun sighs.

“Do you know what Dongwoo told me the other day? It was after the concert in Singapore. He came to my bedroom and sat on the bed, looking very serious, and said 'Woohyun-ah, I know this is going to sound weird, but I've kissed Sunggyu.' And I felt jealous.”

“I'm sorry.” Sunggyu suddenly says. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let him, he's y-”

“I felt jealous of him, Sunggyu, not of you. I wanted to kiss you again too.”

Sunggyu is at a loss for words so the only thing he can bring himself to do is stay quiet and keep listening to Woohyun.

“I think that was the moment where Dongwoo realized he was in love with you, too.”

Sunggyu's heart clenches so hard inside his chest he thinks it's not possible and he feels momentarily out of breath.

He can't, he just can't accept the fact that not only Woohyun (his Woohyun) but also Dongwoo love him, love him enough to throw everything they know out of the window and risk everything for him.

“If this is a joke, please j-”

“Do you really think I'd joke with something like this?” Woohyun asks, and sounds defeated instead of angry. The war has been a deadly one.

Sunggyu shakes his head no, and the trembling in his body only increases when Dongwoo enters the room, puffy eyes and disheveled hair that makes Sunggyu's heart skip a beat.

“I think we need to talk.” Woohyun says when Dongwoo gives him a questioning look, and he nods.

Dongwoo sits on the bed while the other two keep sitting on the floor, with a few meters in between them.

“What is this?” Dongwoo asks, running his fingers along the dark strands of his har.

“We're here to let Sunggyu know for once that we care for him as much as we care for each other.” Woohyun says, and it still sounds so surreal for Sunggyu that he's sure it has to be a dream.

“Oh.” Dongwoo tilts his head. “So today is the day.”

There is an awkward silence where Sunggyu wants to bury himself in a hole and never get out of it. What if Woohyun was lying and Dongwoo doesn't love him and he's just going to la-

“I love you, Sunggyu.” he says, and sits on the edge of the bed so he can look at him straight in the eye. “I already told you this many times before, though I know you didn't get what I really meant. I honestly just found out I loved you as much as I love Woohyun when we were in that street in Singapore. I was so scared after that that I told him. And Woohyun told me what I already knew, that he loves you too. This is not just about us both, Sunggyu. This is about the three of us.”

“We want to know if you are in this with us or not. We will accept any decision you make.” Woohyun adds, and Sunggyu feels bad for looking at his lips, because they are shining in the moonlight coming through the window and he's sure he's never felt this exposed before, even if he's fully clothed.

He thinks about Woohyun and how much he has loved him throughout all these years and how painful it had been, too. He thinks of Dongwoo and how soft he had felt and how jealous he had been. He thinks about everything and knows the decision has been made for a very long time.

“I love you both too.” he says. “And yes, I'm in. For... _whatever_ this is. For the three of us, I guess.”

 

While kissing Woohyun has been rough and desperate and kissing Dongwoo has been soft and warm, this feels completely different.

Maybe because at the same time Woohyun is kissing – kissing his lips, softly and caring, as if they had all the time in the world, Dongwoo's own lips are on his neck and chest, hands roaming all over his thighs and squeezing the flesh between his fingers.

Sunggyu is having a hard time to breath and everything feels too much for him to handle, all the emotions striking him at once and his head is spinning around, but he tries not to lose his composure and rejoice in every touch, every sensation he's experiencing.

He watches Dongwoo and Woohyun kiss and for the first time he doesn't feel the bubble of jealousy set on his stomach. Instead, there's a warm feeling that goes directly to his cock and he takes Woohyun's shirt off, enjoying the milky, yet toned skin under his touch. Woohyun is still as soft as he remembers and he wants nothing but to kiss everything, kiss every inch of Woohyun's rough skin and have him becoming a mess under him.

Sunggyu lets out a small moan when Dongwoo takes his right nipple inside his mouth and nibbles it, eagerly, while Woohyun works his way on his thighs, sucking and marking all over the skin.

He has already seen Woohyun naked in front of him, but having not only Woohyun but also Dongwoo in front of him and for him, it something Sunggyu would have never dared to think of.

He does something he has always wanted to do, in his mind. He pushes Woohyun until he can places between his legs and takes his cock inside his mouth. He sucks on it eagerly, feeling the flesh hardening under his maneuverings and Woohyun slowly losing it, his lips parting to let out his moans.

While he keeps blowing Woohyun, he feels Dongwoo grabbing his ass and something wet in between, and moans loudly against Woohyun's cock when a finger soaked in lube is pushed inside.

There's so much to feel he's not sure how to keep going on. Woohyun's cock is impossible hard inside his mouth and he knows the boy is close, but Dongwoo keeps fingering him painfully slowly, eventually speeding up and driving Sunggyu crazy. Woohyun cums inside his mouth, body trembling under Sunggyu's hand, which are placed on his hips, and he's not sure how someone can be so beautiful.

Dongwoo, a few minutes later, replaces his fingers for his own cock, and Sunggyu hisses at the sudden pain. He's thicker than Woohyun was, but it enters in smoothly due to the previous preparation.

Sunggyu is on all four, with Woohyun's body still underneath him and Dongwoo's hands on his hips as he keeps thrusting into him, and he closes his eyes, dwelling on the sensation. Dongwoo doesn't take long to reach his prostate and Sunggyu's knees almost give in, if it wasn't because Woohyun suddenly gets up and gets hold of him, grabbing his chin and kissing Sunggyu. Woohyun's kiss drives Sunggyu over the edge, because he can feel everything: Dongwoo's thrusts and his hands caressing his spine, and Woohyun's tongue against his, trying to kiss away every doubt left on his body.

When the orgasm washes over them, it's strong and exhausting, and Sunggyu collapses on top of Woohyun, with Dongwoo hugging his back.

His body convulses for a few minutes more and when Woohyun interlocks his fingers with his right hand and Dongwoo starts leaving a trail of kisses along his back, he knows he's made the right choice.

 

It's in that bed, with Dongwoo and Woohyun on each side, that Sunggyu learns love is not just giving, but also sharing. Accepting their relationship meant that he had to forget all the questions he once called home, home which was safe and steady, and now everything was new and scary, but worth it if, at the end of the day, he could share a bed with them.

He learns loving Woohyun has always been and will always be intoxicating, like a drug, but also encouraging and strengthening. He learns loving Dongwoo calms the storm barging inside of him and he feels safe. He learns loving both and being loved by them both it's the only way the balance remains in place and everything can work out.

Even if he's not sure what are they doing or where are they going, Sunggyu thinks he doesn't mind jumping into the unknown if Dongwoo are Woohyun are next to him.

 


End file.
